Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

Disagreement---- 

My ex-husband and I had a recent disagreement concerning his and our daughter relationship.  My ex-husband do not seem to understand that if you want someone to treat you a certain way that you have to be mindful of how you treat that individual.  The disagreement came about because my ex-husband stated that our daughter do not include him in some of the decision she makes.  My daughter states that she used to call him and he would never return her call so she stopped calling.  Her father states that he is busy and she should keep calling until she reaches him.  I told him he could very well return her phone calls.  I have tried to get him to understand that she is twenty-eight years old and she do not feel she has to chase him down.  He states that he is the father and she should.  He gets angry and blames me because I do not agree with what he is saying.  My first strategies for resolving this agreement was I suggested to him to see it from her perspective.  Often times a person do not realize what they are doing wrong until they are placed in the other person’s position.  The second strategy I suggested to both of them is that they need to sit down and discuss calmly the issues that they are having with each other.  I believe that cooperative strategies would be beneficial in this case because it “benefit the relationship, serve mutual rather than individual goals, and strive to produce solutions that benefit both parties” (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009, p. 212).  I believe that if my ex-husband showed more respect and was more responsive to other people situations and showed compassion then much of the conflict issues he is faced with would be resolved.

My colleague perspective on how to be more of an effective communicator as it relates to conflict resolution skills is that she tries to gather understanding from the other person perspective, be supportive of their perspective, but bring about a greater understanding of what is to be accomplished.

Reference

O’Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real Communication: An Introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Who Am I as a Communicator

I was so surprised during the evaluation with a friend and co-worker to see the similarities of how they responded to my communication skills.  I have always tried to make sure I use eye contact when speaking to someone and this was something that my co-worker said to me.  I was amazed at how they recognized my verbal aggressiveness, which all three of us scored me for being "Moderate" and in my Listening Styles Profile, we all placed me in Group 1 (People-Oriented).  Now, as far as my Communication Anxiety Inventory, myself and Shelia scored me as Mild and Jeannette scored me as Moderate but we off only by a couple of points.  Jeannette's score indicated that I communicate at a level of anxiety in what is identified as "situational" and I agree with that because I am mindful how we should behave under different conditions. I was happy to know that the way I thought I communicated is what others see as well.  I am pleased with the results!

I have learned from Group 1 that I am considered to be empathetic and concerned with other peole emotions and it can interfere with me making proper judgment because I am very trusting of others.  I am empathetic and concern but I believe that am able to tell when someone is trying to sucker play me as well.  So, I have learned that it is important to have caution in communicating with others and not be too vulnerable.

Communication and Culture

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

I do not communicate any differently with people from another culture; other than, if there is a language barrier there.  I try to speak slower and more clearly if there is a language barrier and I do find myself using nonverbal cues to make what I’m saying simpler. 

Three strategies I could use to help me communicate more effectively with the people or groups I have identified are: being mindful, tolerates ambiguity, and to not be judgmental of others.  I selected these three strategies from the reading, “Interpersonal Communication and Diversity: Adapting to Others” because they fit what I would try to emphasize in everyday communication with any group of people.  I try to be mindful at all times of what I say, what I do, and how I treat people.  As we have been learning in the previous classes we have to be respectful and not be bias in relating to others in order to communicate effectively. And, in tolerating ambiguity I try to have patience in trying to see the other person’s perspective of things/issues and understand where they are coming from.

However, with any group of people I try to listen to what is being said so that I can communicate effectively.  I believe it is important to take the time out to learn about the many different groups of people so that I can be knowledgeable in understanding how to relate to them.  I may not know everything about his or her culture, but I try to know some of the basic so that I don’t offend anyone.

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal Communication:

     Relating to Others (6^th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Language, Nonverbal, Listening

What do you think the characters’ relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating?

What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing?

I decided to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  This show was focused on three women and their names are Kandi, Sheree, and Kim.  I turned the volume off and begin to watch.  The camera went back and forth to each of the three women; it looks like they are arguing about something.  There seem to have been some type of disagreement because they were raising their eyebrow, raising their voice, leaning forward at each other, and used hand gestures like pointing at each other and themselves.  Hands were raised in the air, heads were shaking and one of the women hopped up and sat back down.  They used lots of eye contact and their facial expression showed anger.

Now, watch the show with the sound turned on.

What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed?

Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well?

I went back to the show with the volume turned up and I was correct.  My assumptions were all correct; there was certainly an argument-taking place. They were arguing about having gone a trip to South Africa.  Sheree told Kim that Kandi said Kim wouldn’t want to hold a black baby at the Orphanage.  Kandi said she did not say that.  Kandi and Sheree were arguing about whether she said it or not and what she inferred when she said it.  Kim and Kandi were arguing because Kim said that was a racist remark toward her and she would hold a black baby. Kandi said she never meant it in that manner.  Kandi, Kim, and Sheree at one point were all talking at the same time.

This is not a show I watch on television.  However, they did express miscommunication and it caused an argument between the women.  What one person stated caused the argument because of the other person interpretation of what was said was communicated differently.  People perceive information differently.  “Our thoughts and cognitions influence how and what we communicate to others and at the same time influence the way that we interpret the behaviors and messages that others send to us” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2009, p. 38).

Reference

O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2009). Real Communication: An Introduction. New York:

     Bedford/St. Martin’s.

What is Communication?

My supervisor demonstrates competent communication very well.  He is very articulate in his speech.  He makes sure you understand what he is saying at all times.  He allows you the opportunity to speak what is on your mind without being judgmental.  He has a way of making you feel that you are a valued employee and that you are missed if you're not there.

I would like to model some of his communication behaviors because he knows how to relate to you on an individual level with respect.  There are so many different personalities on my job because there is a large range of people and getting to know your employees would be just as a teacher getting to know her students and their families.  I hope to be a great communicator with my students and their families where they feel valued and respected.  I want them to know that I hear them just as well as they hear me; that will be the start of our relationship, learning how to communicate with each other effectively.  "Communication behavior is appropriate when it meets the demands of the situation, as well as the expectations of one's specific communication partner and any other people present" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009, p. 18).

                                                                       Reference

O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real Communication: An Introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's